Screwing around
by sos-huddy
Summary: House has syphilis, and now that he's on penicillin, he get's nicer. That's what House's team thinks, but they don't know that he's faking the whole thing... From "No More \Mr. Nice Guy"


"My team thinks that I have syphilis."

House walked into the clinic and met Wilson there. He had been thinking about a fantastic joke to screw with his team, and now it was time to tell Wilson about it, he had to tell at least someone. It has always been Wilson he screw around, so now it was time to screw around with his team. He had put a fake blood sample in the lab a long time ago, and they had finally used it. They had give him a prescription for pernicillin, of course he wasn't taking it, but it would be hilarious to pretend that he was.

"Do you?" he asked surprised.

"Not yet"

"Why do they think you do?" he asked suspiciously.

"Because I knew that they had access to an old blood sample, and I knew they'd test it sometime for something"

"Why would you swap your blood? What are you afraid they'll find?"

"Oh shut up, you're missing the point! They think that I'm on penicillin"

"Is this some clever practical joke that I'm not aware of?"

"And as I get better, I get nicer" said House with his best puppy dog face.

Wilson laughed.

"That's brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! But, we don't need to talk about.."

"Nope"

"You're just going to keep screwing…"

"Yep. We are who we are"

"Well, good luck" said Wilson and he walked away.

"Wait, Wilson!" yelled House, and Wilson turned around.

"Swear that you don't tell Amber" he said threatening. "Please don't ruin the joke"

"I swear" said Wilson, holding up two fingers, and he walked away.

"Let's have some fun" said House to himself and he headed back to his office.

"Have you seen any difference yet?" asked Thirteen. The whole team was sitting around a table in the diagnostic department. They had just discussed their discovery of House having syphilis. Their patient has syphilis, what caused a change of personality. They had found a sample of House's blood in the lab, and they had tested it positive for the STD. It was a shocking discovery, but it explained everything.

"I haven't yet, it might need one or two days. I can't believe it, House being a jerk actually does have a reason" said Cameron. She was making coffee for the team, and when it was the perfect moment to chat about House, he came in.

"Can I have some too, please?" he asked, and he hung his jacket over a chair. Cameron froze, and faced him.

"Please?" said Cameron, repeating what House had just said. House opened his eyes as if he woke up from some sort of daydream.

"Coffee, now" he said, pointing his finger to the countertop, trying to 'hide his character'.

"Err sure" said Cameron, pouring the hot coffee into his red cup too.

"So, about the patient" said House with a loud voice, and he stood up. "He's running out of organs to fail!"

Foreman gave him a strange look, and so did the rest of the team.

"What? I just…never mind. He needs prednisone, high dose of prednisone, or... what do you think?" he asked, and he threw the marker to Kutner. Kutner remained in his seat, to House's great annoyance, but he stayed in his role. He had to do this, the joke was way to good to screw it up in the first day.

"Go one, write it down" he said, and he tried to make some natural looking smile. Kutner stood up happily and walked to the whiteboard.

"At least the penicillin is working, it looks like he has some change in his personality" said Kutner, and he wrote some of the new symptoms down on the whiteboard.

"To both of them" said Foreman, and he gave House a suspicious look. House quickly looked away, hoping that Foreman didn't know that he was screwing with him.

"But I don't think it's a good idea to give him prednisone, it could cause Roid rage…"

"I do think it's a good idea. It helps his liver with recovery. Anything else?" asked House. He looked at everyone, and stopped when he faced Thirteen. She sighed and spoke.

"PFO could explain the heart attack"

"Excellent! So what do we do, test him for PFO or give him the prednisone?" he asked. He got the same strange looks, but it remained silence.

"Anyone..? Alright, let's vote then. Who says PFO?"

Thirteen and Kutner raised their hands.

"And who says prednisone?"

House raised his hand, and immediately everyone else raised their hands too.

"Foreman, give him the prednisone, the rest of you, just do something. I need to do clinic hours" said House.

"You go to the clinic voluntarily?" asked Cameron, with a voice filled with disbelieve. "It's two PM, you never have clinic duty at -"

"Think I got something else to do?" he asked, wiggling with his eyebrows. He put on a lab coat and left.

"I can't believe this! This isn't House anymore, he doesn't take the lead anymore, it's impossible to change this much in the first day. If we keep him on prednisone...!" said Thirteen and she pushed away the file in front of her.

"We could lower his dosage, It'll treat the syphilis and keep his caracter" suggested Kutner.

"No, I don't think that'll work. It's more important to cure the syphilis than keep House the way he is. It's just so different, maybe I'll never get used to it..." said Thirteen.

"Well…there isn't much we can do about it" said Cameron. "Sorry, but I have to go back to the ER. You just… go amuse yourselves" she said, and she left.

"House!" said Cuddy surprised. She was standing in the nurse's station, when she saw House walking by. If she hadn't seen his face, she hadn't recognized him.

"You're wearing a lab coat!" she said, and she stood in front of him.

"I am" he said, and he grabbed another file. He read it through and by the look of his face, he seemed to know what was wrong already.

"You don't have clinic hours now, you know that?" she reminded him, and she gave him a suspicious look.

"Jackson Davis?" yelled House when he walked to the waiting room. A little boy and his father walked towards exam room five, and House smiled at Cuddy.

"Are you screwing us around?" she asked.

"Sorry, got a patient" he said and he walked away.

"You look good shaved!" she yelled at him. She turned around and headed back to her office. When she got there, she sat down on her couch.

"Is he really screwing us around?" she asked Wilson, who was sitting in her office. He nodded.

"I love it, he looks really good, he wears a lab coat and he does his clinic duty. Let's pretend to not know about it, he'll give it up tomorrow anyway" she said and watched House enter exam room five.

_Please review!_


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